I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability here. I’m at the point of “hating writing” lately too. I’m currently working on my first draft of my first novel and it’s hard. So damn hard. I don’t have a writing or lit degree. No MfA, no workshops, I don’t have a writing or critique group. Sometimes I feel like I’m on a deserted island trying to figure out how to survive on my own. I’m reading craft books and learning as I go but it’s so hard to do alone. And when I do sometimes chat with other writers, so often they say things like, “I can’t help but write” or “writing is my greatest joy” and almost no one talks about when writing becomes miserable. I’ve heard writers say that you should write for the joy it brings you not for the end goal of publishing and if it’s no longer a joy, maybe it’s time to step away. And honestly that advice has gotten me close to quitting, myself. But reading about how you’re pushing toward your dream even when the warm and fuzzy feelings of writing have faded is truly an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
When I was in undergrad, I had to take a bunch of philosophy classes for my degree. As a nineteen year old, I thought these classes were a total waste of time, but there’s a paper by Harry G. Frankfurt that I still think about ten years later.
When writing about free will, Frankfurt says that there are multiple levels of desire. To have free will, a person needs to (1) want to do something and (2) want to want to do that thing. For example, I want to eat fast food, but fast food is bad for my health, so I don’t want to want to eat it. If I eat a quarter pounder anyway, Frankfurt may have argued that I don’t have free will.
For me, the opposite is also important. When it comes to writing, even back when “writing was my greatest joy,” there were many days when I didn’t want to write. But on those days, I still wanted to want to write. And that’s how I was able to write. I think this disparity in desire is where the misery you mentioned comes in. Wanting to want to write when you simply don’t want to write creates miserable internal conflict. I quit writing last year for four months because I no longer wanted to want to write. Losing that second order desire was the cue it was time for me to step away. But the R&R request restored that second order desire for me, so I’m sticking around until I don’t want to want to write anymore.
If you want to want to write, I think that’s a sign to keep going, even when it’s miserable. Once that second order volition stops being true, I think there’s a lot of peace to be found in walking away.
All this is to say, I hear you, I see you, and I’m rooting for you. Keep going. I’m right here with you.
Thank you so much for this post! I'm currently on the cusp of quitting my job to actually hunker down and work on the novel I've been telling myself I would finish, for the past three years. Also, I'm based in South Korea as well!! So nice to meet another Substacker here!
Thank you for sharing this and being so honest about your process. I’m at the stage in querying where I’ve got so far and then pass after pass, year after year. Yet many of my peers are now signing contracts. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s my background that’s so undesirable or my lack of celebrity 🤣 I’m a nobody with zero qualifications and not many followers. So I’m wondering if self publishing is the only route. I’m ok with it if it is.
Most of publishing is luck. I think of luck as opportunity meeting preparedness. Sometimes we prepare a lot, and the opportunity just isn’t there. Sometimes the opportunity is a path different from what we originally imagined it’d be. I don’t know anything about self-publishing, but it sounds like it might be something to look into for you!
I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability here. I’m at the point of “hating writing” lately too. I’m currently working on my first draft of my first novel and it’s hard. So damn hard. I don’t have a writing or lit degree. No MfA, no workshops, I don’t have a writing or critique group. Sometimes I feel like I’m on a deserted island trying to figure out how to survive on my own. I’m reading craft books and learning as I go but it’s so hard to do alone. And when I do sometimes chat with other writers, so often they say things like, “I can’t help but write” or “writing is my greatest joy” and almost no one talks about when writing becomes miserable. I’ve heard writers say that you should write for the joy it brings you not for the end goal of publishing and if it’s no longer a joy, maybe it’s time to step away. And honestly that advice has gotten me close to quitting, myself. But reading about how you’re pushing toward your dream even when the warm and fuzzy feelings of writing have faded is truly an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
Felt. Thanks for sharing your experience.
When I was in undergrad, I had to take a bunch of philosophy classes for my degree. As a nineteen year old, I thought these classes were a total waste of time, but there’s a paper by Harry G. Frankfurt that I still think about ten years later.
When writing about free will, Frankfurt says that there are multiple levels of desire. To have free will, a person needs to (1) want to do something and (2) want to want to do that thing. For example, I want to eat fast food, but fast food is bad for my health, so I don’t want to want to eat it. If I eat a quarter pounder anyway, Frankfurt may have argued that I don’t have free will.
For me, the opposite is also important. When it comes to writing, even back when “writing was my greatest joy,” there were many days when I didn’t want to write. But on those days, I still wanted to want to write. And that’s how I was able to write. I think this disparity in desire is where the misery you mentioned comes in. Wanting to want to write when you simply don’t want to write creates miserable internal conflict. I quit writing last year for four months because I no longer wanted to want to write. Losing that second order desire was the cue it was time for me to step away. But the R&R request restored that second order desire for me, so I’m sticking around until I don’t want to want to write anymore.
If you want to want to write, I think that’s a sign to keep going, even when it’s miserable. Once that second order volition stops being true, I think there’s a lot of peace to be found in walking away.
All this is to say, I hear you, I see you, and I’m rooting for you. Keep going. I’m right here with you.
Thank you so much for this post! I'm currently on the cusp of quitting my job to actually hunker down and work on the novel I've been telling myself I would finish, for the past three years. Also, I'm based in South Korea as well!! So nice to meet another Substacker here!
Wishing you luck with your novel!
Thank you!
Thanks for sharing these tips. I am also a huge Dungeons and Daddies fan! Congrats on wrapping up your revision!!
Excited to see another fan here! Who's your favorite dad from Season 1?
It is a tie between Henry and Darryl!! I feel like Henry's rock quips are the funniest, but Darryl has such great character growth!
Same here! You've got 10/10 taste haha
You got this! Thanks for the tips. HIIT is my survival too!
HIIT is the best! Thanks for reading.
This is all great stuff! Thank you! Enjoy your break, Kat!
Thanks for reading!
Cyber hug! Great news that you finished this latest draft. Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks for reading!
Thank you for sharing this and being so honest about your process. I’m at the stage in querying where I’ve got so far and then pass after pass, year after year. Yet many of my peers are now signing contracts. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s my background that’s so undesirable or my lack of celebrity 🤣 I’m a nobody with zero qualifications and not many followers. So I’m wondering if self publishing is the only route. I’m ok with it if it is.
Most of publishing is luck. I think of luck as opportunity meeting preparedness. Sometimes we prepare a lot, and the opportunity just isn’t there. Sometimes the opportunity is a path different from what we originally imagined it’d be. I don’t know anything about self-publishing, but it sounds like it might be something to look into for you!
Good work, Kat!!