Advice for My Younger Self
30 Tips for Life and Writing
Yesterday, I turned thirty. A few weeks ago, I sat down to write a list of writing tips I wish I could give my younger self. I wanted to limit the list to writing advice, but it quickly evolved into thirty pieces of life advice I wish I could give my twenty-year-old self. Some of this list is speaking directly to my specific circumstances, but some of this could also be helpful to any writer or young person learning how to navigate the world.
As always, you know what to do: take anything that’s useful for your journey and leave everything that’s not.
30 Tips for Life and Writing
Stop thinking about getting a PhD. You don’t want one. The world does not need another Dr. Lewis. The others actually did surgery and helped people. A dissertation you didn’t want to write on Dickens will not.
Exercise. For the love of god.
Stop asking yourself, “What would a man do in this situation?” Instead, ask yourself, “What would the person I want to become do?”
Assume that every person you meet is here to teach you something. Sometimes, it’s concrete knowledge. Sometimes, it’s something about humanity. Both will help your writing.
Despite all your hard work, the world owes you nothing. In spite of that, you owe the world kindness.
Talking to anyone and everyone is easy. Start by pretending that what they’re saying in that moment is the most important thing in the world. After a while, you believe it because it’s true.
Go out with your friends as much as possible in college. Life will never be the same again.
Your career—writing and every job you’ll ever have—will disappoint you consistently and unapologetically. Happiness lies not in success, but in the people you surround yourself with. Prioritize finding your found family.
Some of your closest friends will fall out of your life. You know this. Some will hurt more than others. You also know this. It’s okay for it to hurt. This you must learn.
Submit your work often and widely. Keep an online public portfolio. This portfolio is how you will get every job that matters, most of them you won’t even apply for.
Sometimes, a job is just a job. They don’t deserve your best work, only your complete work. Save your best for writing.
All of your biggest regrets are related to the teachers you took for granted. Show up in good faith. Be present. You know a lot, but they know more.
Living abroad is the single best decision you will ever make. It will teach you almost everything on this list. Do everything in your power to prioritize opportunities abroad. England is mid, by the way. Korea is where you’ll be happiest.
You will grow up with the expectation that you have to be somebody. All you have to do is be.
Nothing good happens after 2 AM. Girl, go home.
For the next seven years, everything you will write will be a character sketch, not a story. You are very good at scene craft, and this will hide your writing harmartia. Don’t roll your eyes when people ask, “What does your character want?” You won’t be able to sell a book until you can answer that question.
Turn off all social media notifications. Put time limits on your apps.
You have never once cared what other people think. Good. But you need to care how kind people think you are.
You’re happiest when you’re six-hours into a gaming session. Prioritize video games in your life again.
Hand-writing a paragraph from your favorite book will always get you unstuck when you’re writing.
Every promotion, job opportunity, and solicitation from literary magazines and publishers happened because you spoke up in a meeting or because you showed your work online. Always say what you think. Always share what you’re proud of.
20% of employees do 80% of the work. The worst thing you can be at a day job is competent. Before going the extra mile, ask yourself: How does this serve my writing? Is this worth sacrificing my energy for writing?
The most important classes you’ll ever take are acting classes. Your public speaking will open so many opportunities for you.
Pay attention to the business writing unit in Korean II. Right now, you don’t think you’ll ever write an email in Korean, but in seven years, you will go to work at your Korean-speaking office, open Outlook, and curse your younger self for not paying attention.
Your first year in Korea will be the worst year of your life, but the next three will be the best.
Every scary life decision has yielded the happiest results. Follow fear; fierce joy is behind it.
In 2015, you should go back home to see your dog one more time.
Text-to-speech apps and audiobooks will solve your dyslexia-related troubles.
Have more fun in college. Your high GPA has made little difference in your life.
Rewatch World of Tomorrow once a year. “It is sometimes a sad life. And it is a long life . . . Live well and live broadly. You are alive and living now. Now is the envy of all of the dead.”
What is some advice you wish you could give your younger self?
Next week, our Query Letter Master Class launches on June 1st. Pre-order now with code WELCOME24 for 10% off.
In our next Substack craft lesson, we’ll be learning how to stick the landing of our stories with a post on Act III and endings.
See you then,
Kat
Happy Birthday! Wonderful advice.
100% agree on the live abroad one. I lived overseas for ten years, and I'm yearning to back. Some of the most important moments in my life happened outside of my home country, the US. Both my children were born outside the US (in the UAE and UK). If you can't leave your home country, try to leave your hometown. There is so much life to be lived and so many different ways of living it. I think one of the first things that I learned when I first left my hometown was no matter where you live, people are just people. One might have preconceived notions about how people are expected to be in a particular place, but ultimately, they are people, just like you, with daily routines, wants, dreams, needs, etc. That seems small, or basic, but it's an important lesson to learn and the best way to learn it is to live it. Outside of moving, take every opportunity you can to travel. It doesn't have to be far, but go see and experience new things. Even if you don't love them, you'll know you don't because you experienced them firsthand.
My son loves Baldur's Gate 3 and Detroit: Become Human, btw. I'm more Super Mario Bros...but I appreciate the advice of leaning into your hobbies. If you find something that brings you joy - even if it's frustrating you momentarily - do it, and as often as you can. I found tennis in my 40s. I play as often as possible now. It is something I do solely for myself (not in service of my family or others).
I love how specific this advice is, and was surprised to learn we're the same age! I turn 30 next week :) Happy birthday! You are so much farther along in your writing journey than I am, but of course all our journeys are different. Also, what are some of your favorite videogames?